Trump Mistakes Literal Red Tide for Figurative “Red Wave,” Tells Governor Scott to Keep Up Good Work

According to a source close to Rick Scott, President Trump recently reached out to the governor to congratulate him on increasing the severity of this year’s red tide epidemic, an algae bloom that is wreaking havoc on Florida’s gulf coast and putting stress on an already fragile ecosystem.

“The President is very pleased,” said our source. “He thinks red tide is the same thing as the Republican ‘red wave’ he’s been Tweeting about.”

The algae bloom, which has already killed thousands of fish and hundreds of critically endangered manatees, is the worst red tide outbreak in recent history. Governor Scott, who is often criticized by Florida media for his lack of response to the ecological disaster that has crippled the state’s tourism and fishing industries, has received a number of congratulatory phone calls from the White House in recent weeks.

“They’re proud of the work we’re doing here in Florida, and so am I,” said Governor Scott, who will take it any way he can get it.

Some Floridians, however, are less pleased with the governor’s performance.

“Didn’t he let a bunch of sugar lobbyists drain waste water into the gulf?” asked Cedric Godfellow, a man I met at a Shell gas station. “I understand that the guy doesn’t do anything he isn’t paid to do, but I thought we were already paying him to be a governor. I didn’t realize he was that hard up for cash that he had to work two jobs. Hell, all I do is sell weed, and I get by just fine.”

When President Trump was asked by a Twitter user if he knew the difference between red tide and the ‘red wave’, he Tweeted the following statement:

Crooked Hillary and her Dirty Dems are mad because our beautiful, clean Red Tide is hurting their weak blue ocean. SAD!

Our source in the Governor’s Mansion went on to say that Trump did ask about red tide’s impact on manatees and other aquatic mammals native to Florida, but was satisfied when Scott told him that manatees usually vote Democrat.

Attempts to reach a manatee for comment were both unsuccessful and deeply upsetting.

Photo courtesy of https://www.flickr.com/photos/gageskidmore/

 

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