BREAKING: Universal Studios Introduces Real Dementors to Wizarding World of Harry Potter

And just when you thought there was no way Universal Studios Florida could top itself, guests of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter were surprised to learn that the team behind Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley had unveiled an unannounced new attraction: real dementors.

For the uninitiated, dementors are wraith-like creatures from the Harry Potter series who feed on human happiness while generating feelings of despair and terror in those around them. For the followers of the books and movies, who often refer to themselves as Harry Potheads, it was a real treat to see these fan-favorite creations of author J.K. Rowling come to life. Until it wasn’t.

“At first I couldn’t believe it,” said Cassandra Griere, a frequent visitor to Universal’s Wizarding World. “I had no idea they were going to be unveiling them today, or at all, so I felt really lucky to be here. But then I started thinking about Creampop. She was a bunny I had when I was a kid, with soft, cream colored fur. I haven’t thought about her in almost ten years. When my dad was drunk one night he took Creampop, and he, he took her by the neck, and…”

It was at this point in the interview that Ms. Griere began crying and speaking incoherently.

The fun eventually came to an end when a Universal Studios employee dressed in full wizarding garb appeared to cast a spell that drove the dementors off. Unfortunately, the actor could not be identified or located for a statement at the time of publishing. As for Universal Florida’s management team, they couldn’t be happier about the newest additions to their park.

“I don’t think we’ve ever sold as much chocolate as we did today,” said Ben Busbee, chief financial officer for Universal Studios Florida. “We covered every other park’s operating costs with chocolate. This is definitely something that needs to happen more often.”

Florida residents are eligible for discounted tickets to all of Universal’s parks during the summer, so don’t miss out on the opportunity to expose yourself and your family to all of the fun, whimsy, and mortal peril that comes with being a real wizard.

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